Forbidden

It was one of those mundane days. There was nothing much to do except cleaning the house. Yet I neither had the energy nor the patience to do it. So I lay on the sofa, channel hopping. The sun was penetrating its’ golden hue through the glass blocks on the wall, making myriads of beautiful colours on my black and white checkered rug on the floor. The house was still quiet. Everybody was still asleep. It’s Sunday, after all.  

I was staring uninterestedly at the television when the phone rang. I glanced at it and was rewarded with the most pleasant surprise. He called. I was glad for the interruption.

“Let’s meet.” He said.

“Okay, where?” I couldn’t stop smiling. He wanted to see me.

“I’ll let you know when I get there.” He hung up. We didn’t normally talk for a long time. Our conversation would only revolve around asking each other’s wellbeing and whereabouts. That was probably because we both had commitments. He had his and so did I.

I got up and slowly padded to the bedroom.  It was relatively small. The only place where I knew would be in pristine order. Everything had to be at exactly the right place. I would know if something was misplaced. The bed was neatly piled with assorted pillows and bolsters. The soft turquoise bed sheet was fresh. I just changed it. The quilt cover was the matching colour and material. 100% cotton. It’s my sanctuary. I sat on the edge of the bed, looking at my wardrobe. “What should I wear?”  I couldn’t seem to stop smiling since that phone call. It had been years since I had this wonderful girly feeling.

The anticipation of the first date made my skin tingle with excitement. Yet I couldn’t brush away the nervousness. What if he saw me and fled the scene before I had the chance to look at his face for the first time? What if he came and we talked but when he left, I couldn’t see him anymore because he decided that he didn’t like me? I tried to shrug off these negative thoughts and concentrate on choosing the best outfit. Finally I decided on the blue blouse. I read somewhere that blue is the symbol of loyalty. I chuckled. Loyalty my foot! What I was about to do was so incongruent with the definition of blue.

I took the time to leisurely shower, pampering myself with the luxurious shower cream that I had in store solely for special occasions. And this was one of those occasions. Nothing could be any more special than this. Suddenly I remembered. Who’s going to look after the kids? My children meant the world for me. The salt of the earth. I did feel a bit guilty for Sunday was supposed to be the kids’ day. I would rectify that later next week. I needed to have a down time of my own. I craved for attention too. I wanted that from him. I realised that I was threading on thin ice. But it’s the matter of the heart. My heart ruled over my brain. I brushed away all the negative vibes that my brain was sending my way.  I got ready. It felt good, getting ready for a purpose other than going to work. I felt alive again.

I was driving down the highway. We were supposed to meet at a place that we were both unfamiliar with. I wouldn’t risk getting seen. As I reached the exit, I saw his car. He was already there, waiting. So I drove on and he followed me. I had a chance to glance at him when I was driving slowly past his car. My heart skipped a beat. He was everything that I imagined he would be and more. Doubts were creeping in and trying to grip at my heart, materializing the fear that I had had earlier. I drove straight to a restaurant where I knew would be a ‘safe’ place. Not that I worried if he turned out to be a serial killer or anything. Safe, because we wouldn’t be seen in a compromising situation. I drove slowly, looking for a parking space. I found one at the end of the lane. He parked right beside me. I took my time to put my purse in my handbag. I saw he was taking his time too. As I saw him opening his car door and started to get out of the car, I got out too. We smiled. I was liking what I saw. We talked as if we had known each other for a long time.

The restaurant was not that crowded that day. We sat at the plush sofa-like chairs with the table between us. We continued talking. I couldn’t believe how easy this would be. Now that we were seated facing each other, I was able to look at him really closely. He was fair skinned. His face was clean. I liked that.  The red t-shirt and blue jeans that he wore made him look ultra attractive. Someone used to tell me, if I wanted to know if a person took hygiene seriously, all I had to do was look at his fingernails. They were cut short and clean. His trimmed, thin moustache rested above his cherry red lips. Was he a smoker? I doubted it. That’s one attribute that I love in a man. I hated smokers. They smelled funny even after they showered. One thing that I loved and found really endearing was that his ears would twitch whenever he was animatedly excited about certain things that he said. I couldn’t help smiling. If this was the perfect world, if I didn’t belong to someone else and he, too, didn’t belong to anybody, I would happily consider him to be a lifetime partner prospect. But, the world was not perfect. I belonged to someone else. He had his own family. I couldn’t help feeling a pang of envy. I wanted him for myself.

We continued talking and eating. We sat there for nearly 2 hours, just enjoying the meal and each other’s company. Then, I made the first move. I asked him whether he wanted to leave. I had to because it was getting late. I felt guilty of luring him away from his family, even though he was the one asking me out in the first place. The look on his face was enough to tell me that he had to. Go back to his family. I had to go back to mine too. I could picture my children waiting at home. We talked a bit more in the car. My car. I could see him even closer. I tried to capture his features in my mind. I couldn’t take any photos, of course. I could get busted. He was very easy to like.

The tingle of excitement was the best one I had in years. It took the edginess from my system. The experience was out of this world. It was addictive. He was my new poison. I had the irksome weariness that he might not want to see me again but soon as my mind and my heart were debating whether I would be seeing him again, the cell phone rang. It was him, asking my whereabouts again. Absolute bliss. That was the answer I was looking for. The feeling was mutual. I would be seeing him again. This interstate relationship was going to be a hard one, but I was willing to relish it for it made me alive again.